杨心骏

决定了，做个正面乐观的人。。---> 5.30pm


当走下楼时，耳边传来了旧邻居的逝世消息。。

家人都在纷纷讨论，我加入。。

脸部表现得似无所谓，甚至脸带微笑。。但，心里早已凌乱不堪。。

抱歉，真的不能冷静下来。。思绪一片混乱。。

很想把所有所有都抛诸脑后。。可双手不受控制。。

拨电给你。。很想告诉你，今天，我做不到正面的人。。

失败了。。


在车上，听着王菲的天空。。不停重复着。。

明明只有短短那5分钟车程。。但我不想，不想回去胡思乱想。。

但在车里，又能不想么？

当下只有一个冲动--把车驶到kepong去。。不知道，就真的有这个冲动。。

可能想静静一人在车里吧。。

重复的听了上十次。。

驶车到MRR2半路，拐了个弯，回家去。。可能想到，就算真的去到了kepong,又怎样？

8pm 还有个约会。。

面对友人，我嘻嘻哈哈。。真的不漏一丝忧伤。。

回复信息，我说我没事。。

是真的吗？ 是吧。。至少我给大脑发出的命令是这样。。

在想什么？邻居逝世的伤感？还是今天不好的心情？不懂。。可能都有关系吧。。


顺便说说。。其实，直到现在。。也在等待你的来电。。

但， 当下我可能不会接。。因为我已对你说我没事了。。可我知道，对话中，我隐瞒不了。。

不是不告诉你。。只是。。现在的我，不是刚刚的我。。我真的试过第一时间找你。。

也在等你信息的回复。。

缘分吧。。

真的没事，就。。在此抒发一下心情。。 :)

星期二

突然之间的改变，我说我没事。。是假的。。真的好不能接受last minute 的改变。。

其实我应该一早就别放太大期望。。那我就不会失望。。

我没讨厌你，反而。。我感到很抱歉。。真的。。

昨晚，见你心情欠佳。。又听说你怕会闷，当然。。其实我心里也是很想，很想去。。所以，就答应了你。。

昨晚，连睡前都在紧张着。。今天，真的充满期待。。

但是。。刚才，我真的不知道要找什么借口让我去了。。

我知道，你想我去。。 我也真的很想去。。但是我们都默不作声，是因为大家都知道事情已经没得改变了吗?

我要再次道歉。。

1.还记得你刚刚说你心情不好，想出去玩。。但我却要你留在我店，还要你帮我做工。。弄得你没得去看戏。。

2.过后也没有陪到你去和朋友庆生。。

3。听到你说心情不好，也想不到要如何帮你。。


对不起。。



希望一杯的Sundae strawberry能拭去我的一切: 我的不快乐，我对你点点的。。不满？我不懂。。啊！！！！！

发现，最近post的blog都很烂。。haiz..算了，只想抒发下我的感受。。erm..2/7 的晚上11pm就删除掉吧。。

我希望你能看到。。如果我们真的有缘。。

想通了

昨天。。

谈了一通很长，很长的电话。。

让我终于整理好了很多东西。。组织好了，也想通了，肯定了。。

真的要谢谢你。。让本来难以入睡的我，有个甜美的梦。。

我也决定了。。

要告诉你。。

顿时激情，是很好，很快乐。。但有谁又能做到细水长流？

就是我！和你！和你！

我们一起努力，好吗？

我们一起维持，好吗？

在2010年，6月27日！ 有了一个，想通了一点点的我。。hehe..

Memorable day! ^.^

Now i was like : ngo hou~hoi sam~~ ngo hou~hoi sam~~ :D

hahahahahaha!!!

Today really not bad.. ^.^

lots of things happened..haha!

god..can't write anything out..hahahaha!!! wait....erm.... ok, first thing is..i am now a taylor student, no more IMU! hahahaa!

ok! today schedule:

morning , go ampang eat "ampang yong tau fu", bungkus curry puff eat at car--DC

then

go for a KL tour for searching the Hotel Istana..and give someone gek dao me breathless, I really can find the location by myself ok?! (still angry) kidding la! hahaha!--DC

Go IMU!!! get my MQA transcript and ask for my deposit refund! wow~~ $$ ahaha!--DC

Go Subang meet lhs and register for my CMM course in taylor, then have a brief taylor lakeside campus tour--DCL

A long distance to get back to KL.. during the time, we STOPPED at the halfway of NKVE to clean my car! cause my car was full of curry puff fragments and..egg,smarties..=.= omg!! soooo crazy~ hahahahahahahahaha!!!

then we via NKVE, skipped DUKE and went to KL..

We DID TRIED MANY NEW ROAD TODAY..hahaa!

when we reach KL area, again.. breathless.. GIVE PEOPLE ZAT!! yeala~i know i am stuck in memorise of roads and ways, PRINCE OF DIRECTION!! :P hahaha!

hey, even i wrote like that doesnt mean i am angrying you..i am really enjoy it.. enjoy my breathless moment.. =.= hahahahaha!! kidding.. hehe..

Then we decided to go TS for shopping!!! wow..nope, actualy is just for us to buy bags..but then our final "harvest" is..JACKET!! omg! i love it!! please tell me you love yours too.. hehe..

Then we back Setapak to choose spec.. Unfortunately, have to go again tomorrow..cause someone is too tired and the eyes too watery so the degree can't be stabilise..~~ hahaha!

But..tell you a secret..actually i am quite happy cause tomorrow can sneak out again..hhaha! I MUST EAT THE VEGETARIAN FOOD AH~! :P

Today overall really quite happy and lots of fun..especially the shopping part..haha! hope can shop next time leh.. want??? hahahah!

But honestly, abit disapointed..about the snacks: smarties, halls, "don't know what brand's sour sweet..haha!" Haiz...but i think is fate,cause i have to work till 6 and you have dinner at 8 and, so lucky you found the senior report..haha!

But anyway, I am really quite good mood today leh...so, i must write it here! cause i know maybe tomorrow i will maybe emo and sad again..haiz..

anything if i missed just tell me then i will add-on in it..haha!

No need to view it, just----please try ur best to reply my sms

deng!!!!!!! 好像白痴酱！！

我觉得我真的好像一个白痴酱！很cheap lo!!!

you told me that if i having anything sad must say out and express it, so as i thought of that ok?!

Today the whole day i was like an idiot! damn shit!
Now i going to swear!!! who no reply my SMS is shit for me!!!

I damn hate people no reply my sms lo! especially when its important and make sense!

I was keep thinking myself, even i fxcking stupid to think tat maybe its my fault! omg!

I know u are SAD! so fine! i keep myself in a fridge, but i can stand it anymore! deng!

Caring people also can care dao i so angry..huh!

Actualy i m quite disapointed on you also, i was pending for the whole night for u to call me, call lan jiao!!!!!

Honestly, i really think to DONT ever sms u anymore...what for? meaningless ok? i mean,even ur hp run out of credit, there are tons of other ways too..the whole night i was anxious untill i saw ur shit FB status comment!

Putting much efford on u is useless! damn!

This is ME laaa...

Absolutely.. yea.. I am so happy..

Yesterday :

we played alot.. : "sailor moon" transform, FengShui TV show record--in SALOON! haha!
My lungs were meant to collapse when keep listening to YR's part.. :P

Today:

We went 1U again..yay! ---Wong Kok time!! XD
We played 大电视, i think about at least 4 HOURS!!! hahaha!
I had so much fun..especially when we got into the time taken part..
And i am so surprise to have privity with HS at first.. wow...0.08sec to guess right a question..




But then..0.07, 0.06, 0.05, ...0.04!!




YR and MY!! wow! nice grouping with speed!




ahhhh...at last at last.. ... .... ... ... ... ... 0.02!!!! hahaha!! first time having the closest time with..CL! hehe..(second row above snoopy)




aihhs...really so nice,i mean today's trip..so long didnt have so much fun..









The photos showed the evidences of Me and CL's incredible record..haha! ahh..i know, there is one also, CL, Me and YR.. but still..i feel happy when having the right signal with you.. ^.^









And when we were going back to the parking, SANITISER WAR STARTED! omg! i dont want to play!! why... =.=.. i was so scared and phobia after CL SHOCKED ME!!! haha..actually i am not angrying..just.. really "no gas" after got the second shock by you guys.. =.= I felt that i were going to faint.. phew..now keep coughing.. *.*



Actually..lots of things happend recently..First time i felt that I AM REALLY LOST..with grief and loneliness..


Have to choose again..fedup..But i have to..I knew that..Better to take the turning point now since its not too late before i regretted for my life..


Yes, being a doctor is a vocation and holy job..Its not just that simple as the medical term is hard,or there is tons of things to memorise, its the real responsibilities that being a doctor should takes.. Somehow you are growing with the society, and life is handling IN YOUR HAND!


I think CL and YR will still remember that there is a case about me in a night when i driving home from kepong.. Actually i know that, its really not that serious for me to feel such guilty i am..But, i just cant take it.. I think you will understand me better..


Sorry guys, i didnt tell you guys..Even i am not willing to face this again..Tell you when the time is right..



Ok, back to the topic.. i am going to change my course...
Details will tell you, just sms me or make a call ok? ^.^




But the most important thing is.. I wanna thank you guys..faithfully..


Thank you YeeWen,我很感动 when you ask me to install "skype" then chat and discuss my condition and suggest for my way..


Thank you Pek Teng, 我很感动 when you said that " hey,why keep say thank you?! this is we called that BEST FRIEND is!"

Thank you Mei Yin, 我很感动 when you care about me and wanna 今天不回家 with me when i got my result.. ^.^


Thank you Hui Sun, 我很感动 when you said that : Why haiz?Whatever course or decision you chose we still be with you and supporting you de leh..


Thank you Yong Rong, 我很感动 when you accompanied me to school for meeting with my counsellor in the EARLY MORNING for TWO TIMES! and no complain,with support!


Thank you CHEE LEONG, 我很感动 when you keep by my side, tried to do what you can with your heart, giving me advice and let me feel that you are 24hour supporting me..when i am sad..



Actually there is alot to say still, i just pointed out some of that..


Everytime i think of those..I really feel to cry..i know that i am weak..But cant just ignore it..


I am sure i had missed out alot of things to write here..But i guess, you will get what i mean.. Things will cant just missing in our memory if we done it together with truth happiness and sadness.. ^.^

















Ok,tomorrow having an audition.. :P JUST DONT ASK ME ABOUT THAT AFTER TOMORROW WHEN YOU DIDNT SEE MY JOY ON FB! haha!!