Sell Fish

I really cant stand for those people who thought they are smart always, making a holy right decision every time when they INTENDED. Gosh, What the hell?

Don't you think you are just a foolish person? You are INTERRUPTING! I don't bother whether what extent of cause you will bring due to your "smartness", but i just can't tolerate anymore!

Even it is just a small matter, so what? I bet you know what i am thinking.. Can't just don't be that stxpid? god..

Please don't build your own pleasure, happiness or even an advantage by taking a risk or definitely sacrificing someone's. We are not your base for you to build!

What a selfish fellow..

I will post this because it is not the first time i encountered. You better think and behave yourself, before all of your friends and family leave you! I think I had tried to tell you and give advice.. I had done enough..

By the way, I won't tell anyone about who I am talking. And please don't ask as well as i don't want to break our relationship no matter friends or family, or whatever..

Thanks...

And ah.... I think every time after I posted up in my blog, I will be better, so... Don't worry much but hope you can make your own correction also! All I want to say is: "Zha Dao lor!!!!!!!"

Blog-chat

This blog will probably be deleted or saved to draft after today 5.30-6pm.. hahaha! Just for the purpose of blog chatting!!! :P

心结

原来，我的心里还是会有那个阴影。。

有时，会不由自主的生气你。。有时候会想，换作是别人，或以前的你。。我不会。。

是刺吗？ 我不懂。。

多希望那根刺是扎在我的手，我的脚，而不是那已无力抵抗而脆弱的 心 。。

即使心里那澎湃的火再怎么火热燃烧，你那一句话，也好比万吨洪水，毫不留情的把它给灭得奄奄一息。。

其实，很多次都不是故意的。。 但就是会想和你少扯上关系。。

可能，是不想像以前那样。。伤得深了吧。。

伤？ 感觉好诡异喔。。 哈哈。。 看吧，我表达能力真的有限。。。

但，我还是相信。。就算怎样，我们之间还是会有个稳固的基础吧。。虽然，说实在的。。我真的有恨过你。。也对你绝对心死过。。

痛苦的回忆难以忘了，避免你又来拨动我的心跳，唯有把那难忘的缘与情都了。。 （万芳-新不了情， 改）

朋友啊，我都很高兴有你们。。有了你们，我再难过，也会得到安慰。。

但， 你们看了这篇后，可以的，送上一句慰问就行了。。可以说的，我都会很乐意和你们分享的。。也就不用再私底下问我了。。 但我还是会很开心，很珍惜你们的鼓励与安慰。。 谢！

Short but me.

Yea..My second reopen of my blog..haiz...

Really wondering, why everytime when i re-open my blog cant just because of happiness but misery..

Actually i just change the whole new design of my blog, I intended to be happier, a fresh new DEX.

But.. Now i cant even promise myself to keep happy everyday.. Aihss...

The main main cause of all these bullshxt things: I am in holiday now..

I hate sem break... I hate it...

I dont want it to be happened again...

And.. going to start my blog chat with someone now.. I think i will update it everyday till the start of my "internship", is it a "intern"? depressed.

事情原来从来没被想通过。。

我还是我。。

不是我的我，不是我。。

硬要来。。万念俱灰。。

我不再累了，我不再伤心了。。至少，在“人”面前。。

说没不开心是假的，说不累是骗你的。。

说要开心，是我说的。。但，只是说的。。


带我走，到遥远的以后。。带走我，一个人自转的寂寞。。
蔷薇朝向草原尽头，邮差传来一地彩虹。。
割在心中，拍打着脉搏。。

杨心骏

决定了，做个正面乐观的人。。---> 5.30pm


当走下楼时，耳边传来了旧邻居的逝世消息。。

家人都在纷纷讨论，我加入。。

脸部表现得似无所谓，甚至脸带微笑。。但，心里早已凌乱不堪。。

抱歉，真的不能冷静下来。。思绪一片混乱。。

很想把所有所有都抛诸脑后。。可双手不受控制。。

拨电给你。。很想告诉你，今天，我做不到正面的人。。

失败了。。


在车上，听着王菲的天空。。不停重复着。。

明明只有短短那5分钟车程。。但我不想，不想回去胡思乱想。。

但在车里，又能不想么？

当下只有一个冲动--把车驶到kepong去。。不知道，就真的有这个冲动。。

可能想静静一人在车里吧。。

重复的听了上十次。。

驶车到MRR2半路，拐了个弯，回家去。。可能想到，就算真的去到了kepong,又怎样？

8pm 还有个约会。。

面对友人，我嘻嘻哈哈。。真的不漏一丝忧伤。。

回复信息，我说我没事。。

是真的吗？ 是吧。。至少我给大脑发出的命令是这样。。

在想什么？邻居逝世的伤感？还是今天不好的心情？不懂。。可能都有关系吧。。


顺便说说。。其实，直到现在。。也在等待你的来电。。

但， 当下我可能不会接。。因为我已对你说我没事了。。可我知道，对话中，我隐瞒不了。。

不是不告诉你。。只是。。现在的我，不是刚刚的我。。我真的试过第一时间找你。。

也在等你信息的回复。。

缘分吧。。

真的没事，就。。在此抒发一下心情。。 :)

星期二

突然之间的改变，我说我没事。。是假的。。真的好不能接受last minute 的改变。。

其实我应该一早就别放太大期望。。那我就不会失望。。

我没讨厌你，反而。。我感到很抱歉。。真的。。

昨晚，见你心情欠佳。。又听说你怕会闷，当然。。其实我心里也是很想，很想去。。所以，就答应了你。。

昨晚，连睡前都在紧张着。。今天，真的充满期待。。

但是。。刚才，我真的不知道要找什么借口让我去了。。

我知道，你想我去。。 我也真的很想去。。但是我们都默不作声，是因为大家都知道事情已经没得改变了吗?

我要再次道歉。。

1.还记得你刚刚说你心情不好，想出去玩。。但我却要你留在我店，还要你帮我做工。。弄得你没得去看戏。。

2.过后也没有陪到你去和朋友庆生。。

3。听到你说心情不好，也想不到要如何帮你。。


对不起。。



希望一杯的Sundae strawberry能拭去我的一切: 我的不快乐，我对你点点的。。不满？我不懂。。啊！！！！！

发现，最近post的blog都很烂。。haiz..算了，只想抒发下我的感受。。erm..2/7 的晚上11pm就删除掉吧。。

我希望你能看到。。如果我们真的有缘。。

想通了

昨天。。

谈了一通很长，很长的电话。。

让我终于整理好了很多东西。。组织好了，也想通了，肯定了。。

真的要谢谢你。。让本来难以入睡的我，有个甜美的梦。。

我也决定了。。

要告诉你。。

顿时激情，是很好，很快乐。。但有谁又能做到细水长流？

就是我！和你！和你！

我们一起努力，好吗？

我们一起维持，好吗？

在2010年，6月27日！ 有了一个，想通了一点点的我。。hehe..

Memorable day! ^.^

Now i was like : ngo hou~hoi sam~~ ngo hou~hoi sam~~ :D

hahahahahaha!!!

Today really not bad.. ^.^

lots of things happened..haha!

god..can't write anything out..hahahaha!!! wait....erm.... ok, first thing is..i am now a taylor student, no more IMU! hahahaa!

ok! today schedule:

morning , go ampang eat "ampang yong tau fu", bungkus curry puff eat at car--DC

then

go for a KL tour for searching the Hotel Istana..and give someone gek dao me breathless, I really can find the location by myself ok?! (still angry) kidding la! hahaha!--DC

Go IMU!!! get my MQA transcript and ask for my deposit refund! wow~~ $$ ahaha!--DC

Go Subang meet lhs and register for my CMM course in taylor, then have a brief taylor lakeside campus tour--DCL

A long distance to get back to KL.. during the time, we STOPPED at the halfway of NKVE to clean my car! cause my car was full of curry puff fragments and..egg,smarties..=.= omg!! soooo crazy~ hahahahahahahahaha!!!

then we via NKVE, skipped DUKE and went to KL..

We DID TRIED MANY NEW ROAD TODAY..hahaa!

when we reach KL area, again.. breathless.. GIVE PEOPLE ZAT!! yeala~i know i am stuck in memorise of roads and ways, PRINCE OF DIRECTION!! :P hahaha!

hey, even i wrote like that doesnt mean i am angrying you..i am really enjoy it.. enjoy my breathless moment.. =.= hahahahaha!! kidding.. hehe..

Then we decided to go TS for shopping!!! wow..nope, actualy is just for us to buy bags..but then our final "harvest" is..JACKET!! omg! i love it!! please tell me you love yours too.. hehe..

Then we back Setapak to choose spec.. Unfortunately, have to go again tomorrow..cause someone is too tired and the eyes too watery so the degree can't be stabilise..~~ hahaha!

But..tell you a secret..actually i am quite happy cause tomorrow can sneak out again..hhaha! I MUST EAT THE VEGETARIAN FOOD AH~! :P

Today overall really quite happy and lots of fun..especially the shopping part..haha! hope can shop next time leh.. want??? hahahah!

But honestly, abit disapointed..about the snacks: smarties, halls, "don't know what brand's sour sweet..haha!" Haiz...but i think is fate,cause i have to work till 6 and you have dinner at 8 and, so lucky you found the senior report..haha!

But anyway, I am really quite good mood today leh...so, i must write it here! cause i know maybe tomorrow i will maybe emo and sad again..haiz..

anything if i missed just tell me then i will add-on in it..haha!

No need to view it, just----please try ur best to reply my sms

deng!!!!!!! 好像白痴酱！！

我觉得我真的好像一个白痴酱！很cheap lo!!!

you told me that if i having anything sad must say out and express it, so as i thought of that ok?!

Today the whole day i was like an idiot! damn shit!
Now i going to swear!!! who no reply my SMS is shit for me!!!

I damn hate people no reply my sms lo! especially when its important and make sense!

I was keep thinking myself, even i fxcking stupid to think tat maybe its my fault! omg!

I know u are SAD! so fine! i keep myself in a fridge, but i can stand it anymore! deng!

Caring people also can care dao i so angry..huh!

Actualy i m quite disapointed on you also, i was pending for the whole night for u to call me, call lan jiao!!!!!

Honestly, i really think to DONT ever sms u anymore...what for? meaningless ok? i mean,even ur hp run out of credit, there are tons of other ways too..the whole night i was anxious untill i saw ur shit FB status comment!

Putting much efford on u is useless! damn!

This is ME laaa...

Absolutely.. yea.. I am so happy..

Yesterday :

we played alot.. : "sailor moon" transform, FengShui TV show record--in SALOON! haha!
My lungs were meant to collapse when keep listening to YR's part.. :P

Today:

We went 1U again..yay! ---Wong Kok time!! XD
We played 大电视, i think about at least 4 HOURS!!! hahaha!
I had so much fun..especially when we got into the time taken part..
And i am so surprise to have privity with HS at first.. wow...0.08sec to guess right a question..




But then..0.07, 0.06, 0.05, ...0.04!!




YR and MY!! wow! nice grouping with speed!




ahhhh...at last at last.. ... .... ... ... ... ... 0.02!!!! hahaha!! first time having the closest time with..CL! hehe..(second row above snoopy)




aihhs...really so nice,i mean today's trip..so long didnt have so much fun..









The photos showed the evidences of Me and CL's incredible record..haha! ahh..i know, there is one also, CL, Me and YR.. but still..i feel happy when having the right signal with you.. ^.^









And when we were going back to the parking, SANITISER WAR STARTED! omg! i dont want to play!! why... =.=.. i was so scared and phobia after CL SHOCKED ME!!! haha..actually i am not angrying..just.. really "no gas" after got the second shock by you guys.. =.= I felt that i were going to faint.. phew..now keep coughing.. *.*



Actually..lots of things happend recently..First time i felt that I AM REALLY LOST..with grief and loneliness..


Have to choose again..fedup..But i have to..I knew that..Better to take the turning point now since its not too late before i regretted for my life..


Yes, being a doctor is a vocation and holy job..Its not just that simple as the medical term is hard,or there is tons of things to memorise, its the real responsibilities that being a doctor should takes.. Somehow you are growing with the society, and life is handling IN YOUR HAND!


I think CL and YR will still remember that there is a case about me in a night when i driving home from kepong.. Actually i know that, its really not that serious for me to feel such guilty i am..But, i just cant take it.. I think you will understand me better..


Sorry guys, i didnt tell you guys..Even i am not willing to face this again..Tell you when the time is right..



Ok, back to the topic.. i am going to change my course...
Details will tell you, just sms me or make a call ok? ^.^




But the most important thing is.. I wanna thank you guys..faithfully..


Thank you YeeWen,我很感动 when you ask me to install "skype" then chat and discuss my condition and suggest for my way..


Thank you Pek Teng, 我很感动 when you said that " hey,why keep say thank you?! this is we called that BEST FRIEND is!"

Thank you Mei Yin, 我很感动 when you care about me and wanna 今天不回家 with me when i got my result.. ^.^


Thank you Hui Sun, 我很感动 when you said that : Why haiz?Whatever course or decision you chose we still be with you and supporting you de leh..


Thank you Yong Rong, 我很感动 when you accompanied me to school for meeting with my counsellor in the EARLY MORNING for TWO TIMES! and no complain,with support!


Thank you CHEE LEONG, 我很感动 when you keep by my side, tried to do what you can with your heart, giving me advice and let me feel that you are 24hour supporting me..when i am sad..



Actually there is alot to say still, i just pointed out some of that..


Everytime i think of those..I really feel to cry..i know that i am weak..But cant just ignore it..


I am sure i had missed out alot of things to write here..But i guess, you will get what i mean.. Things will cant just missing in our memory if we done it together with truth happiness and sadness.. ^.^

















Ok,tomorrow having an audition.. :P JUST DONT ASK ME ABOUT THAT AFTER TOMORROW WHEN YOU DIDNT SEE MY JOY ON FB! haha!!

2010.05.25 2338--with an empty heart..

i want to cry..

i am emo again..

i am lost suddenly..in this world...

"isn't this world a crazy place? you gonna save the best for last.."

Yea..i am a boy...who feel emo and cry..

i hate myself being like that! what the bullxxxx is me?

yea..i admit it..everytime i feel wanna cry and emo..i feel to find you to talk...but i lost you, maybe i deserved it.


Sometimes,,really like tends to find a life partner..to share my everything..when i was sad..But its such a selfish thing..i shouldnt do that...i should hurt someone with their love and faith but my selfishness..love is not a counseller...

But..even an aquarious will also tired..tired of loneliness, tired of its own characteristic.. tired of everything...

Dont know why, frequently getting more and more emo ...

My friends..I wanna tell you something..the passing gate of my life turning point..i am complicated..

No people like to listen sadness, crying and mumblings..I deserved to no one..

i am tired...Can i lend your shoulder when i need it? I will pay back with my tears..

No comment to give and shut up if you choose to view this!

"why people angrying someone can just simply express it out? dont you think i am also having the same feeling? mine even worse ok? But if for me, why i have to tolerance it and express it alone by myself ?..crap."
Just now. Feel to put the sentences above to facebook..But just at the second to click "post", I cut it out.. Cause i think composing a post here can more effective to express myself..

I am really in bad mood, NOT JUST BECAUSE OF ANGRYING PEOPLE OOK?
I am tired. DAMN FUCKING BITCHES TIRED after driving from Sri Petaling to Desapark.
But fine. I suggested that, so i had to pay the consequences.

I suggested and i am ok to drive the god long road, because i hoped that we could have fun later..
But I dont know what fucking reason, she is here..Fine. She said she just sit there and listen us.
STARTED RAINING.. fine.

We changed and went your house..
You suggested to karaoke.

Fine. i said i am whatever.. Cause I think we WILL continue to practise after that.
Second reason is also to not let her be bored there cause she will have nothing to do when we start practising.

Fine. Sang about 2-3 hours.
Then, again, dont know what bull shit reason you started react and respond like BULL SHIT!

Fine. I thought you were tired. But then you told me that you were angrying me? What the FUCK!?
What did i do?

Since before i am already in bad mood.. but i still have to fucking act like normal and laughing, singing..
But you? You just put all your shit expression on your face! How about me? Why couldnt i?
I hate karaoke, what for? we planned to practise our song, WHY KARAOKE?
Ok, we 3 people, why she is here? YOU KNOW SHE WILL BE BORED!

After finished karaoke, I thought we will start.. But your mum then backed.
AND YOU SUGGESTED TO PLAY CARD!

Since that second, I knew that today are wasted!
We planned whole fucking night, to come here and practise.
I am tired.
She came and stuck there.
RAIN
KARAOKE
Dont know what fucking reason you emo and started angrying me.
PLAY CARDS
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS: I STILL HAVE TO REACT LIKE NOTHING, LAUGHING! SHIT ENJOYING! mother fucker you bitch!

I had argued with my family..I damn stress for my exam..And they still keep giving me pressure,now my friends..

you know what i am thinking now? i have no family in my life, no friend, and shit have to exam next week..

Sympathy is useless for me now..

Fine, just let me die!

Where's my lucky star?

Twinkle twinkle little star..Where's my lucky star?

Maybe you will dont know what i mean..Well, lets tell you a story..beginning from a little boy called "shin jiunn".. haha...

He was actually not that smart as you thought.. took PTS, went in independent high school, passed all 6 years without repeating any 1 of those years to study, got a quite qualified UEC result and finally gone through IELTS and MUET examinations then succeeded to get into U to study medicine... I got all that..But sometimes, i am just wondering whether is there a lucky star, residing the sky above me, and give me luck always?

However, my little star abandoned me..Leave me alone in a white box..sometimes when i sitting inside,especially in the deep midnight, i will silently stare at the sky,try to search the star that belongs to me..but everytime when i stare, there are just dark and disapointment, with a crying moon hanging there, with loneliness and sorrow..

Ok, fact is, I took my CPR theory exam and I "thought" I will surely pass it but i FAILED... Honestly, i had work hard to study it and somemore the truth is, the questions that came out was so directly and i were answer them correctly at least 40/50..But? .....Some of my friends said that its just random failing..Sure, i was angry and upset when heard that.. Firstly is, WHAT A CRITERIA IS THAT? Gosh...

Second thing is, am i really that unlucky to be the "CHOSEN ONE"?

Today during the break time, someone announced that there was an updated passing list of CPR result to check.. beam of hope came into my life, and at that time i were really hope that god will give me one more chance.. and, yea.. finally I admitted two things.. 1. Maybe I were really answered so many wrong answers. 2. I have no more luck at all since now.. because..After double checked, I am still failed..

I am here not to blame that why I will fail this, fail that.. Just to share with you guys about things that happened on me and wanna tell you guys that.. I am really damped. Really need to take some times to heal it, thanks for your sweet, it helped but not the medicine for me, btw i still very X10 appreciate that what you've done to me.. Thank you.



Here to talk about one more thing..that..I think that i am really a person who believe fate..

I tried hard to try to access you to tell you all my things but fate didnt allow, I really hope you this best friend will listen to me and understand and give me any support that you can but, fate didnt allow.. even just now we had a talk, but..i dont know why, like we just cant reach a point of our channel.. Maybe that is fate, that we already reach the maximum? I dont know, but at least i am not willing to end at this point, my friend.. Really, i am not to blame on you for anything, i have my reasons and you have yours,maybe you are just tired or whatever.. Well, lets leave it to our karma...

Friends forever, happy together...

Simple-meaningful D"ex"AY

I wrote many, my opinion..my feeling..But, when its almost done..I cleared them all...not feeling well while writting those stuff... Today, opps!...should be yesterday...was my birthday..I cant let those words spoil my only day... :P pissed off!!

Ok...I did feel touching and really happy that my friends celebrated my birthday with me at a nice restaurant... Food is the second, but you guys are the most reason that made me fulled... ^.^







Speechless... omg..

Fine,lastly.. actually i think i am just coward... to spend more time in my school, to enjoy together with my U friends...Its not because of the loneliness problem or that i have to LS to my IMU friends that made me not to involve myself much in school...Its because, I am afraid... that i will fade away from my old best friends after knowing the new ones.. I dont wanna get this change.. I am less confidence for myself to guarantee that i wont.. sooooooo shxt!

Tell me that i wont... and i will never ever do that..

night guys..

Soaring Bird. I am Dex

I do. I really do have this feeling.

My first video done...Myself, spending few hours in examine, observe, try, failed, try.. failed, and try... Finally, successfully edited my 1st short-movie..

yea..its really short..just about 1 minute more... But.. :) i know you can feel how the feeling of succeed and joy i have those right now though my eyes are spinning and head is like dumped.. =.=

yea..its true..I can really feel the touching part of the movie although we didnt mean it before when shooting.. haha...

Its a parody of " yu yan sang-birdnest" --- "shou zhao lv cha"... Hope you will like and....erm...enjoy~ ^.^

Last Begging

Being hesitated for a long time,wondering whether i should update my blog today or not..But apparently, you can see my final decision.. ^.^

Why am i considered so long about it? Cause its 3am now!! I really have to re-regulate my so called "bio-clock"... =.= Cant always sleep such late..Will be dying when coming to open school...

Actually, I am quite moody today... (hate that i am always have such negative feeling!!) I dont know why.. No reason? Not exactly.. Maybe its about that i have to help my sis to deliver some important document to my friend which could be done easily if i CAN wake in the morning so that i can pass to my friend before she went back.. =.= But i failed, so i have to drive there to JUST deliver those "stuff"... Feeling that its quite wasting petrol, time, and energy..haiz.. But i had to do this cause its my fault to overslept..

Sure not just about that could make me emo.. :I have no money, I have to work in dad's office, I have a school project to finish, and because.. my.. my birthday is near.. =.=

"My.. my birthday is near.." ??? Yeah, dont feel any confuse.. because years before, the days around and also exact on my birthday were not "ordinary" days.. "Somethings" will happens that..totally ruin my "birthday mood".. aikhss..

Friend, I had really thought about to open the X'mas gift you gave me: little "sad-then open" tip boxes, but time didnt allow me to. After i got back to home and settled things down, it changed. I felt not that down and negative as i felt in the day time. By the way, I cried when driving in the car. Feel shameful.

As long as now everythings felt alright.

Today's sleeping wish: no sadness, no emo, happiness gathered, happy together.

X: mute :X

Chilling in my room..and i think today i wont be too late to get into sleep..



today, friends and me were talking about--definition bout handsome and beautiful...but i have no mood to talk about it right now..Whatever, all i think is..doesnt matter if you just look normal, confidence brings graceful..



Why am i such dumb and fxcking depressed now? actually.."fxcking" doesnt mean that i am angrying..just...suddenly feel that i am quite nothing...Feel that i am quite far apart from my friends, of their souls, deep in their minds..



Maybe the fact is, i am not well understanding them huh? Or..i am just keep ignoring and avoiding that, thats my problem? funny...



this post is pointless..sorry guys for who had spent a couple of minutes in reading it.. take care..

Dex-juice 11012010

Today is 2010/01/11, 3.40am...headache, due to "3.40am"!!!..but still the mood to update my blog surging my mind..

before writing this, had reviewed my previous post..felt that..i was not that bad in writing blog huh? :P

Friends ask me that why am i rather using english but not chinese in composing my blog? ...I think.."troublesome" is playing quite a main role..haha..bsides,(i am not that expert in expressing my deep feeling by using chinese) hahaha!! sorry, CHKL.. :P doesnt mean that my english is good enough, however, hope to improve my writing skill instead..

Holiday-ing now..but i cant just fill it with dotA, FB, and sleep..=.= sooo...i think i will TRY my best, try to update my blog everyday.. ^.^ somemore i am planning to bake, get back to piano lesson and exercise..My aim is to have a SLIM SKINNY face!!! die hard to get it!

i am listening "alicia key-doesnt mean anything"...what a drug addicted pop..meaningful lyrics and enchanted melody.. love it! but "love" absolutely not a favourite topic for me.. Haiz, maybe its true..that, its totally not the problem that my personalities caused me to avoid "love"..its just, i am cowardly to face, to have it.. But i still believe that..someday, when fate comes, whatever how shit i am, i will say: "yes", to love.. yea..so, wait~............

4.09am!! omg, have to sleep now...